Stop Saying 'Good Job': How to Praise for Growth Mindset

Your toddler draws a circle. "Good job!" They eat their broccoli. "Good job!" They put on their shoes. "Good job!"

In San Jose, we are a positive bunch. We want to build our children's self-esteem. So we shower them with praise. But at Sunny Child Care, we try to limit the phrase "Good Job."

Why? Because "Good Job" is like junk food. It tastes good in the moment, but it doesn't provide long-term nutrition for their self-worth. It teaches them to rely on external validation (your opinion) rather than internal pride.

Here is how to shift your praise to build a Growth Mindset—the belief that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.

1. Praise the Effort, Not the Outcome

If you only praise the result ("What a beautiful painting!"), they might become afraid to try difficult things in case it turns out "ugly."

• The Switch: Focus on the work they put in.
• Say: "You worked so hard on that drawing. You kept coloring even when your hand got tired."
• Say: "Wow, you focused on that puzzle for a long time!"

2. Be Specific (The "Sportscaster" Method)

"Good job" is vague. Specific praise gives them data on what they did right.

• The Switch: Describe exactly what you see.
• Say: "You put the blue block on top of the red block. That made the tower very tall."
• Say: "You shared your truck with Johnny. I saw him smile."
• Why: This reinforces the specific behavior you want to see repeated.

3. Turn It Back to Them

When they shout, "Mommy, look at me!", they are asking for connection, not necessarily judgment.

• The Switch: Instead of evaluating it ("That's great"), ask them how they feel.
• Say: "You did it! How does it feel to climb that high?"
• Say: "You look so proud of yourself."
• Why: This teaches them to look inward for satisfaction. We want them to do good things because it feels good, not just to get a sticker.

4. Praise the Strategy

Did they solve a problem? Highlight how they did it.

• Say: "You tried to fit the piece that way, and it didn't work. Then you turned it around, and it fit! Good thinking."
• Why: This teaches resilience. It shows them that mistakes are just part of the learning process.

It is hard to break the "Good Job" habit. It slips out automatically! But try to catch yourself just once a day. Instead of a generic cheer, give them a specific observation. You will see their eyes light up in a different way—not just seeking approval, but feeling truly seen.

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