They Won't Play Together! Understanding the 'Parallel Play' Phase

You arrange a playdate at Emma Prusch Farm Park. You invite your friend and her toddler, who is the exact same age as yours. You imagine them holding hands, laughing, and building a sandcastle together.

The reality? Your child sits in one corner digging a hole. Her child sits three feet away spinning a wheel. They don't talk. They don't look at each other. They act like the other person doesn't exist.

Parents often panic. "Is my child anti-social?" "Do they lack social skills?"

At Sunny Child Care, we call this Parallel Play. And it is 100% normal, healthy, and necessary.

What is Parallel Play?

Between the ages of 1.5 and 3, children move from "Solitary Play" (playing alone) to "Parallel Play."

• The Definition: Playing beside other children, but not with them.
• The Analogy: Think of it like working in a coffee shop. You are working on your laptop. The person next to you is working on theirs. You aren't talking, but you are aware of each other. You are sharing the energy of the space.

Why It Matters

Even though they aren't interacting, they are working hard.

• Observation: They are watching out of the corner of their eye. "Oh, he is putting the sand in the bucket. Maybe I should try that."
• Safety: Interacting is high-pressure. Parallel play allows them to be social without the stress of negotiation or eye contact.
• Mimicry: This is how they learn new skills. If one child starts running, the other might start running too. They are "mirroring."

How to Support It

1. Don't Force Interaction: Avoid saying, "Go play with your friend!" or "Talk to him!" This creates anxiety. Let them be.
2. Provide Duplicate Toys: Since they aren't ready to share yet, having two trucks or two buckets prevents conflict.
3. Narrate the Connection: You can bridge the gap verbally. "Look, Johnny is digging a hole. You are digging a hole too! You are both diggers."

When Does "Real" Play Start?

Associative Play (sharing materials but no common goal) starts around age 3. Cooperative Play (working together to build a castle) usually doesn't fully emerge until age 4.

So if your toddlers are ignoring each other, don't worry. They are enjoying each other's company in their own quiet way. Grab a coffee with your friend and enjoy the peace while it lasts!

Learn about our social skills curriculum